Charles Edward Bevins III

I tried to think of some creative title for this post, but realized it doesn't need one.

On May 1, 2011, my 23 year old nephew CJ was killed in a work accident.

There are so many things I've had on my mind since we lost CJ and I wanted so badly to say them here.
But every time I start a sentence I can't finish it.
I can't describe CJ well enough.
I can't express the pain our family has gone through.
I can't find the right words to say how sorry I am for his mother (my sister) & father, his sisters & brothers, his fiance, his son & daughter and all of the rest of our family who loved him so much. 
I can't tell everyone how much this boy meant to me without sounding inadequate.
 

For now all I can do is post the video that was made by a friend of their family.

In Memory of CJ Bevins from Remember CJ on Vimeo.


CJ was laid to rest on a beautiful hillside on their family property.  He will always be close to the family and they can visit with him anytime they want or just sit quietly and remember everything that was so wonderful about him.

 In time I may be able to express the other things I want to say.  But for now, this will have to suffice.

The Past Four Months...

Where to begin?  So much has happened since my last regular post back in February.  I have a LOT to catch up on, so fair warning--this will be long.  

Garden

If you've followed my blog or know me very well, you know that every year I try to grow a garden.  This year instead of listening to my husband (sorry honey, I still love you) I decided to reign in the size of my garden.  Years ago, my sister introduced me to the concept of "Square Foot Gardening".  Over the years I've incorporated small hints of the SFG method into my gardens but have never done a full blown actual square foot garden.  Since I also wanted to move the garden closer to the house this year to make gardening more enjoyable, I figured it would be a great time to go all out.  I got some used wood from someone who was dismantling an old deck.  I had my son bring in some gravel from my old house.  I used the existing laundry line structures to make my vertical portions of the garden.  I got some seeds passed along from my sister.  

The result?

  I am very pleased with how it turned out.  I would have liked to have gotten an earlier start with more of the seeds my sister sent me, but due to unforseen circumstances my planting schedule started much later than anticipated and I ended up having to get several already started plants.  But the point is that I got it planted & now I can enjoy working in it each day.  Bring on the veggies!

New Additions 

We have goats!

 We got them primarily to try to keep our pasture down.  As you can see from the second picture it's gotten a bit out of control.  We were hoping the goats could do some serious damage to the grass & weeds--however we're quickly learning that having just two of them probably isn't going to cut it.  Are we going to make the leap to goat herd farmers?  You'll have to stay tuned to find out...

5K

Back in February I made the decision that I wanted to run my first 5K.  I saw an advertisement for a 5K race called "See Jane Run" and I figured that was the perfect one to try.  I started off okay with my training, but again, due to unforseen circumstances, I lost about a month of training in May and at one point wasn't sure I still had the will to do the race.

But with less than a week to go before the race, my friends encouraged me to go ahead and try.  I had to remind myself that I didn't have to run the whole race--I could walk if I needed to.  And I needed to.  I didn't turn in a great time and I found out halfway through the race that an old knee injury may keep me from being a true hard core runner.  But I was happy that I finished the race and I had a great time with my friend Donna & her daughter Shelby.

 (Photo taken with my phone...sorry about the bad quality)

I had intended to write about one more thing that happened recently but thinking about it now, it doesn't seem right to include it in this post.  It really needs a post of its own and I need to be in the right state of mind to write about it.  It may show up later tonight or sometime during the next few days.  But it will be written, if anything, to help with the healing process.  You'll be hearing from me soon.

  

Strange Fact #1

When I was a kid, I didn't like raisins because my sister told me they were monkey boogers.

Homesick...

I've been going along just fine lately--working, getting ready for Christmas, keeping up with friends on Facebook---but suddenly tonight, as I was sitting here by myself in the living room it hit me...I miss my family. I've been living in Idaho for over 14 years now and everyone feels so far away. I see others around me who have family close by, some even still living with their families. Our family is spread so far and wide throughout the U.S. and it would be impossible to be close to them all the time.
In some cultures, families live together from birth until death. The old take care of the young and eventually the young take care of the old. Meals are taken together, hardships are worked through together and celebrations are rejoiced together. It's tough to do that from thousands of miles away.
I know I've missed a lot of moments with my family. I can't turn back the clock and stop everyone from living their lives and moving on. But I would give anything to snuggle with my sister in my dad's big easy chair again, her in her soft cotton nightgown and me in my warm Winnie the Pooh pajamas. To watch my brother practicing with his cheerleading squad in our backyard, in awe of how grown up he seemed. To drive my dad's '84 Camaro for the first time on a lonely highway through Utah, just the two of us on a four state road trip. To learn how to two-step with my mother in our living room, the two of us laughing at stumbling over our own feet.
We all move on and make our own lives. I just wish we all could have made them a little closer together...

18 Years....

Today is my son's 18th birthday.  Back on this day in 1992 I never would have thought about this day coming.  All I could see was the precious little bundle in my arms and really couldn't think about anything past that. 

 He always marched to the beat of his own drum, even from an early age.  What a rebel!

 But I always knew that he was going places....

And he's never been afraid to try new things and embrace it with everything he had, even if it meant trying something people might think is weird...

He's always had a unique sense of humor....I think he gets that from me.  He has the ability to make me laugh even when I don't want to...

I've always been amazed at his ability to fall asleep pretty much anywhere/any way....

When it comes to his love of music, he's worked hard at it and never stops learning...

He's had many friends over the years, some that have come and gone, some that have been there since kindergarten...

(These were kids he went to a home daycare with when he was around 2 years old.  The two boys on the left, believe it or not are the grandsons of Frankie Avalon.  I wonder what they're up to these days?  The girl on the right reconnected with Collin awhile back on Myspace...technology is wonderful.)

Life with him is always an adventure...

And as I look back I realize it was all of these crazy little things in his life that shaped him into the respectable young man he is today....

Uh, yeah........

Happy 18th Birthday Collin!  I love you more than barbecued potato chips.

It's Just a Cartoon....It's Just a Cartoon.....It's Just a...Pass the Tissues!!

Tomorrow is my birthday and my son thought it would be fun tonight to go and see the new Toy Story 3 movie--just the two of us.  I thought it was a great idea and was glad my son had thought of it.  We had seen the original Toy Story movie together when he was only three years old, then later Toy Story 2 when he was seven.  I never stopped to think of the irony of it (or the emotional ramifications) of seeing this movie until we were at the theater.  

My son turned to me as we were walking into the theater and said "This movie came out when I was just a little kid, then we saw the second one when I was a little older and now we're going to see the last one just when my childhood is ending.  How weird is that?" 

Yeah....how weird is that?........(gulp)

  I knew I was in trouble when the movie had barely started and there were flashbacks into Andy's life of him playing with his toys as a little boy.  As I was watching that, it dawned on me that I had seen my own son playing like that with his Woody and Buzz Lightyear toys as a child.  (Yes, he also wrote his name in permanent marker on the bottom of each of their boots and he still has those toys.)  As my eyes started to well up with tears I knew this viewing with my son was going to be different than other movies we'd seen recently.

Thankfully the movie (I won't go into detail for those of you who haven't seen it yet) doesn't spend a lot of time dwelling on the part of Andy going off to college and leaving his toys (and childhood) behind, or I probably wouldn't have made it through the movie.  It's mostly about the adventure of the toys themselves.  But near the end, when there was a scene of his mother walking into his empty room right before he left for college, I pretty much almost lost it.   

I can't tell you (seriously, I'm sitting here trying to think of the right words to describe this) just how special (ugh, not the right word!) it was to be able to see this movie with my son, only a few weeks after he graduated high school and one week before his eighteenth birthday.  It may sound silly, but I honestly won't ever forget sharing that little moment in time with him.  When the movie ended and the credits started rolling, the two of us just sat there kind of taking it all in.  (I even caught my son rubbing his eyes a little.)  I'm sure from my son's point of view it was more about it being a sentimental ending to a movie.  To me though, it was the sentimental end to an era in my son's life.   

I Miss You Grandma...

On June 10, 1912 my grandmother Ina Mae Cowley was born.  Later in her adult life she became Ina Mae Graves and eventually Ina Mae Pommaz, which is the name I grew up knowing her by.  We lost her in February of 1996, just four months shy of her 84th birthday.  It wasn't until she was gone that I realized how much I had lost when she passed away.  It always seems like we realize in retrospect just how much someone had an influence on our life.  If she was still with us, she would have turned 98 today. 

I don't know a lot about her life as a child.  But I have a wonderful little photo album that belonged to her that I like to imagine gives me a little glimpse into her life as a young woman.  It's filled with old black & white photos of her friends, family members and of course her.  Some of the photos don't have have captions or explanations and I like to make up stories in my head about the men in the stiff suits and big cowboy hats...or the girl standing with her back to the camera all alone with the old car in the background.

But I don't have to make up stories about my memories of her--Like being a small child and playing out in the backyard of her house with my sister, with the hum & rattle of her rock tumbler running in the garage.  Or looking through the large encyclopedias she had, trying to figure out all of the riddles & optical illusions.

  

The place I have the most memories about though is the mobile home she lived in for years in Long Beach.  (The same mobile home I rode my bicycle to when I was only about 7 years old and got mad at my sister who was babysitting me.  This little trip took me all the way from our house near Studebaker & Atherton to her mobile home park off Lyons Drive, just past the Edison plant!)  I remember sitting at a table in her "goody room" (the extra room in her mobile home that was filled with every kind of craft notion you could imagine), while she patiently showed me how to thread beads on a wire to make a bracelet.  This room was a treasure trove for a little girl.  It's where I learned about Christmas card ornaments, Mod Podge and turquoise & bone jewelry.  I also remember the fascinating knick-knacks in her living room like her Kewpie Doll collection and the interesting things her son (my Uncle David) sent to her from Australia & New Zealand.  I remember the stacks of romance paperback books she had in her bedroom.  And as a teenager, I remember the times that I had cramps so bad they would make me sick to my stomach.  My grandmother would come get me at school, since my mom was working, and take me to her mobile home.  She would take me to her bedroom and put me in her bed, propped up with pillows so I could watch the Twilight Zone & Little House on the Prairie reruns.  She would always bring a hot water bottle in and lay it on my abdomen and make me tea.  

It's looking back on memories like these, as an adult, that remind me what a wonderful person she was and how much I probably under-appreciated her when I was younger.  I'm happy that I got to have her in my life for as long as I did, especially since my Grandmother Heinrich on my dad's side passed away when I was only one year old.  I'm glad I get to have my memories of her.  I've been thinking of her today and just wanted to do something to show how much she meant to me.

      Happy Birthday Grandma...I miss you....   

Memorial Day...

Today is Memorial Day...I think that over the years people have equated Memorial Day with picnics, taking the boat out to the lake, camping and the "official start of summer".  Although it was originally established on May 30th, it was later (in 1968) moved to the last Monday of the month of May to ensure a three day weekend.  This is probably one of the reasons people look at it as more of a "fun weekend" holiday.  But I don't want to lose sight of the real reason for the holiday.  

My family has a lot of ties to the military:

• My Grandfather Heinrich joined the U.S. Navy when he met some American sailors on the U.S.S. Brooklyn on tour in China.  At the time he was playing in the German Holly Symphony Orchestra, on a Lloyd Lines ocean liner which was docked next to the Naval gunboat in China.  He left everything behind in East Germany, including his parents, brothers & sisters and accepted the American sailors' invitation to join with them and continue their tour.  He served during the Boxer Rebellion the Philippines Insurrection and WWI.
• My Grandfather Graves was a Navy Seabee and served during the duration of WWII.  The Seabees built bases, bridges, roadways & airstrips during war times.
• My grandmother Pommaz was one of the women referred to as a "Rosie the Riveter" during World War II, working in the factories and at Douglas Aircraft to help out in the absence of the men who went off to war.  (I know this isn't technically military but I count it as helping out during war time.)
•   My father joined what was then known as the Army Air Corps (later separated out as the Air Force, it's own branch) right at the end of high school and went over seas to England & Germany at the end of World War II.
• My mother's brother, my Uncle Frank served in the Army, enlisting after high school around 1953.
• My mother's cousin Arland served in the Korean War as a soldier in the Army.
• My sister's husband Chuck served several terms in the Marine Corps and then later served for one term in the Army.
• My ex sister-in-law Karen (my brother's ex-wife) served in the Navy.  (Thanks again for the Navy boondock boots in high school!)  ;)
• My step-brother Matt has served for 24 years in the Air Force.  He's been to Iraq at least two times that I know of.  I think he's retiring soon. 
• My sister's daughter is now currently serving in the Army National Guard.

A few family members tried to serve in the military but for various reasons weren't able to:

• My mother's other brother, my Uncle David ("Fred") enlisted but was sent home after just a few days because of his heart.
• My father's brother Carl tried to enlist in the Army but was turned down because of a punctured ear drum.  Undeterred, he then also tried to enlist in the Navy AND the Marine Corps but was turned down by both because of the same thing.

Their hearts were in it but their bodies wouldn't let them...

I couldn't be more proud of all of these family members that have done their part over the years to protect and serve our country.  Luckily none of these family members were lost during war time or any training.  I know may others out there aren't as fortunate.  Let's not forget those who gave their lives for our country.

Happy Memorial Day.

Time To Close The Chapter On School Days...

This was September 2, 1997.  

It was my son's first day of kindergarten.  

I love the Green Eggs & Ham shirt.  And look at those little legs!  He was missing his front tooth because it had been knocked out when he was two years old when he fell on the sidewalk outside our apartment in Camarillo, California.  I'm not sure what specific thing he has in his hand but I know it was what was left of his breakfast.  (He's always been a slow eater...)

I felt like posting this today because yesterday was my son's LAST day of school.  His last school day of 12th grade.  His graduation ceremony is this coming Friday night.  We've been through so much during the years between these two days.  

A year ago I thought we'd never be close again.  It's personal and I don't want to post his private issues here for everyone to see.  But I can say that I'm so glad that we've managed to grow close again.  He's still my "little boy" and I'm sure he always will be to me.  Even though he's already grown into a wonderful young man.   

  It's strange to look at this picture and realize it's the same person as in the first picture.  Even though he's my own son and I've watched him grow up the last 13 years, I still don't connect the two pictures.  I'm sure it will get even harder when I have a wedding picture to connect or a picture of him with his own child.  

But....those things are in the future.  For now, I can look at this new picture and remind myself that this is not only the end to one chapter, but the beginning of a new one.  

I can't wait to see how it goes...

Can It Really Be Six Months Away?

I took this picture at the end of the evening on Christmas. A boy....his dog.....Christmas tree lights twinkling in the background...makes me a little sad.
I know, strange reaction to such a sweet holiday-spirit type picture. But what makes me a little sad is realizing this is the last time I'll be seeing this Christmas-y scene with my son as a "child". Six months from now he'll be turning 18. That big, magical number that says "that's not your child anymore...now he's a man." (Or at least considered an "adult". I think it takes more than an age to make a man, although I don't doubt my son will seize the opportunity with gusto and prove himself worthy of the title in no time.)
At this point, we're fretting about grades and panicking about whether that cap & gown we ordered for him will actually be used at the end of May. Not that he's not a bright kid....in fact, he's very bright and extremely intelligent. It's just that he picks & chooses what he wants to act intelligently about. Such as a lot of teenagers do. I've recently heard him rattle off information about economics, spending & investing with remarkable knowledge. But ask him the answer to one of his geometry problems and you get a blank stare. He can pick up any music beat after hearing just a few bars, tapping them out on whatever surface is available. But ask him if he turned in his government class assignment and you get a shrug. We opened up his first checking account for him at our credit union as a Christmas gift and I was intrigued to watch him studiously reading over the terms and conditions of the account Christmas morning after opening the box.
If we can just get through these next five months of school okay, then I have no problem seeing him striking out as a new adult. But I can still admit that it will make me a little sad. Because it means he won't be my little boy any more....

Collin showing off his dog, shortly after getting him from the Humane Society.

They're Always Our Babies...

Our kids--even when they're grown & too big to hold and don't hardly fit on the couch or the bed--are always our babies.....especially when they're sleeping. No matter what they do when they're awake, or how crazy they drive us, it seems that when they're lying there sleeping (just like when they're babies) they look so innocent & sweet. You want to sit down & cuddle them (even know you KNOW that would never be allowed if they were awake.) I wonder if I'll still be feeling this way when HE'S 41 and I'm 65......Does that ever go away?

It's Mother's Day...

As usual, it's been way too long since I wrote anything on here. As I'm sitting here at my computer this morning, with some quiet time of reflection to myself, (Randy is asleep, Collin is at his dad's as usual and Trevor stayed the night at a friend's) I felt inspired to write some things down. (I'll warn you, this may be more of a "serious" post today...)

My mom:
As I look back over the years, I can't help but compare my life to my mom's. In fact, my ex-husband, in one of his moments of nastiness, tried to "insult" me by saying that I was "just like my mom" and had "followed her path". He said it because I decided to divorce him right around the time Collin was 15 years old. My own mother divorced my father when I was just a few months from turning 15. So I suppose some people may agree with him and say I'm following my mother's pattern. When I think of him saying that, I smile. I mean it's not like I said, "Hey this is the time my mom divorced my dad, it's high time I got cracking and got in step with the plan!" Things just happen in life, that's all.
But the reason I smile is because I think my mom is a very strong woman and has been through a lot in her life. I WISH I was more like my mom. She says what she wants and doesn't worry about what other people think, like I do. She is so incredibly talented too. She makes the most beautiful quilts. The other day I got out a book she had given me on quilting and tried to read through it. But to my brain it was like reading a foreign magazine. And the fact that quilting is so math-oriented is way too much for my non-mathematical mind. When I was growing up she was always trying something new... She sewed, made cakes, painted, gardened, made leaded glass creations and even learned how to do body work on a 1966 Mustang (my first car)! I've tried to learn different things too, but the difference with my mom is she was good at everything she did. She'd learn something and then attack it with full gusto. I try new things and when they don't turn out right I just give up, the failed attempts either thrown away or tucked away in some closet somewhere out of sight.
All I can hope is that someday I'll find my niche like my mom and be even more like her. A talented, smart, strong woman.

On being a mom:
It's kind of tough to write on Mother's Day when my own son isn't living at home right now. I won't go into the personal details because they're just too...well...personal. But those of you who are close to me know about it so I don't need to explain. The toughest part in this is that you try so hard to always do the right thing and even when you do what you believe is right others don't see it the same as you. Everyone keeps telling me that he will get over it eventually and as an adult will most likely look back and realize I had good reasons for everything I have done. But right now it's difficult to sit back and be patient and wait for that time. I spent time yesterday with some friends, one of them who is currently a single parent of a 4 year old boy. Watching the interaction between them brought back SO many memories of times together with Collin and I'll admit it was a little hard. I want that boy back who thinks the world of me; who wants to be around me all the time; who shares private jokes with me that only the two of us get. I guess for now I'd settle for him just wanting to be live here again...

Whew, okay...let's shake that off now and get a little humor back into this thing!

Here is a link to a great entry the other day on Cake Wrecks: Multiple Choices for Mom
(The cakes my mom made were WAY better than that) ;)

Did you NOT see the big door in the mirror??

Alas, my poor Scarlett has had her first mishap...and it wasn't even with me behind the wheel! My darling son (said in a sickeningly sweet way to try to override the urge to choke the living daylights out of him) borrowed my car last night so that he & Trevor could get out of the house for a little while and give me some down time to watch a movie & relax.
I had just sat down in the living room when I heard an odd thud noise from the garage. I knew it couldn't be good. I rushed out to the garage to see Collin looking very surprised and the garage door partway open. He pulled forward as I opened the garage door. When I made my way to the back of my car, (Collin saying the entire time "I swear it had opened!") I saw a lot of white paint from the garage on the back of the car right around the handle to open the back upper hatch. I immediately unleashed a tirade on my son and asked how he could manage to back into the garage door. He tried to explain that it was totally an accident (DUH) and that he swore the door was open. He said he was looking in the rear view mirror when he backed out. I yelled at him, "Didn't you see the big garage door looming in the mirror when you looked in it??!!" He claims he didn't. (I'm actually wondering if he was looking in one of the side mirrors and from that lower vantage point the door looked open.)
He's actually lucky that I didn't take a really good look at it until this morning after I got to work and it was light outside. Because underneath that paint (and probably scratches) was a nice sized dent. Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!!


You can tell where the dent is by the way the reflection of the ground looks like there's a big hill behind me. That should be a straight line. Anyone know a good body shop guy? A cheap one?

Guys & farts

Short but simple...why do guys (doesn't matter what age) get such joy out of farts? The other night I had to endure my 16 year old son and my boyfriend's 15 year old son farting on each other & laughing hysterically every time they did it. Sigh....

Families

I was thinking about it tonight and I really have to say I'm blessed when it comes to my family. So many people out there have families that they are ashamed of, embarrassed of, want to get away from. But my family is something I'm very proud of.
When I was growing up of course, I'm sure there were moments when I rolled my eyes when I had friends over and my mom or dad said something that I thought was "uncool". Or times when I thought my big sister was so mean because she wouldn't let me borrow one of her cute tops.
But as an adult, I can't help but look back and remember the good moments in between those other times. Like standing in the livingroom with my mom while she tried to teach me to two-step & I tried to teach her to "shake her booty". Or when my dad & I took a 4 state road trip, just the two of us, and he let me drive his new 1984 Camaro. And I can't forget how proud I was when my sister had me stand up next to her as her maid of honor at her wedding when I was only 14 years old.
Then at the times in my life when I needed them most, even when I didn't ask for their help, they were there. When I gave birth to my son it was my dad who picked Collin & me up from the hospital the next morning and took us home. And my mother came out from Texas to help me out those first couple of weeks when I was totally clueless. My sister gave me so much encouragement over the phone when I talked to her, giving me tips that she learned years before me.
I don't talk much about my brother, but that's only because he has chosen to remove himself from our lives. But even though he won't answer emails, I hope that he reads them and knows that I love him. He's still my brother, no matter what.
I hope that my family knows how much I love them and appreciate them every day. I'd like to think that they're proud of me too.

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night...oh wait, I don't have to do it anymore!

Hey, I just realized something. I was looking at my profile and it says "I am a divorced mom of a teenaged son who plays hockey. (fear me!) So I spend about 6 months out of the year hauling a teenaged boy & his sweaty hockey equipment back & forth to the ice rink a couple of times a week."

Um....Collin just turned 16 and he has his own car now. Wooooo hooooo! Those late nights coming home from the far side of Boise in the snow/rain/dark after hockey practices are over! Of course, I'll still be going out there once a week to see his hockey GAMES. But he can get his own butt to practice now. And since he has at least one good friend out here in Nampa who is on the team, they can carpool. (So that's a plus for him.)

And actually, eventually he may get a break from that far drive too. There is an outdoor ice rink being built in Nampa and the team is going to try to work out something so they can get ice time for practice. It would be SO great for them to be able to get more practice in. I'll keep you posted on that development...

Weddings, Visiting Family & Levitating Goats (oh my!)

THAT, ladies & gentlemen, is Amanda & Nevil's new restaurant in West Virginia. Amanda is my 24 year old niece who just got married over 4th of July weekend. Heck, when I was 24 I never would have been able to own/run a restaurant! I'm so proud of Amanda & Nevil for grabbing hold of their dream and making it come true. Not to mention the wedding was great!

My dad (Amanda's grandfather) walked her "down the aisle". Or in the case of this beautiful setting, down the front porch.

Amanda's sister Charlotte (far right) and Amanda's friends were in her wedding party. Also CJ & Jessica's daughter Raegan was the flower girl. I love the look on Charlotte's face in this picture--it reminds me of the way she used to smile when she was a little girl.

Nevil & Amanda with her mom (my sister Nancy) & dad

Randy, Trevor, Collin & I at the wedding (I love how we inadvertently ended up all color coordinated. The boys all in blue and me in a blue striped dress.)

The visit to West Virginia for the wedding was stretched out a little so we could enjoy some relaxing time visiting the family. Our first night there, there was a rehearsal dinner at Amanda & Nevil's restaurant and we had a nice time catching up with family and getting to meet all of the new "significant others" of all of the nieces & nephews.

Charlotte at the rehearsal dinner with my mom & dad.

The kids slept out on the big covered porch and also out in the meadow in tents, having fun scaring each other every night. They spent some time riding the four-wheeler and the dirt bike, swimming at the swimming hole, and playing basketball.

"But what about the levitating goat?" you ask....Ah yes... One of the things we did in the evenings was to go feed the sheep & goats. Might not sound like fun to you--but walking around in the dusk, watching the lightning bugs lighting up around us, hearing the sheep bleating at our approach....kind of relaxing actually. I snapped a few pictures while we were out there and after uploading the pictures to the computer we realized in one of the shots, at first glance, one of the goats looks like it's levitating behind the fence. Kind of made us laugh so now it's a favorite picture. (Secretly I think the goat really was levitating and was planning an escape...)

We've definitely decided we have to visit again soon.....

Happy Birthday to ME!

Jane at 16

Well folks, it's that time again....I can't believe I'm turning 40 years old today. I don't know if I should be freaked out or happy. Naw, I know I'm happy. I was doing some retrospective thinking last night (probably TOTALLY not the right word for what I was doing, but I can't think of the right one right now) and I can honestly say that I'm happy at this point in my life. There are a lot of people in my life who care about me (you all know who you are!) and that's what is most important. Although my morning started off rough (teenagers are so trying at times!!) this day is looking better and better all the time. It's only 11:00 in the morning and I've already gotten so many texts, emails, Myspace messages, etc. wishing me a happy birthday. Tonight is a "date night" with my son--dinner at whatever restaurant I choose, then we're off to see a movie. I'm sure I'll end my birthday talking on the phone to the person who loves me the most.

Then two weeks from now, I get to see all of my family. Well not ALL of my family, but my mom, dad, my sister & all of her family. It's been years (seriously, like 20?) since my mom & dad were in the same place together for some kind of event. I really think the last time was my brother's wedding. So this will be a real gift to visit with both of them at the same time. I think going to West Virginia to get some "down time" in will do me a lot of good. It's been a rough 7 months or so and this will get me centered again.

I feel like I should be ending this post with something really philosophical....but I got nothin'....

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day.... I talked to my mom yesterday, but I'm sure I'll still send her an email today or make a quick call to wish her a happy day. Yesterday, she called me--she called because I was having an extremely rough day and needed encouragement and without hesitation she picked up the phone and called. (This was after she had already sent an email giving me encouragement and offering some great advice.)
I can't say enough about my mom...I've always loved her and always appreciated her, although not as much at some times (like when I was a teenager, sorry Mom) as others. But as an adult, I can look back and know that even when she was going through rough times, she was still always there for me in her heart. She always did what she thought was best for me.
These are some difficult times for me right now and she is always right there with the shoulder to cry on, the sound advice, and the great encouragement. Yesterday she sent me this poem that she said is one of her favorites and it really made me get teary-eyed:

My Daughter
I love to hear you come through the door,
Calling my name as you had before,
And feel your embrace, knowing you care,
Patting you gently and stroking your hair.
As you begin to tell of your day,
My thoughts return to yesterday....

I'M selecting the dress that you are to wear,
And choosing the ribbons to put in your hair.
We're having a party, you're serving me tea.
You're loving your "baby." pretending you're me.

...I know that you say, "It was years ago,
And I was just little," but I miss that so!
I cherish the minutes you now spend wit me
As we laugh and share those old memories.
Often at times - though you're unaware -
I'd love to put ribbons once more in your hair.

I love you Mom, more than you know. Thanks for always being there for me....

Life On The Farm

Well kiddos, I've done it again... I've gone way too long without writing anything. Like my friend Scott (Little) recently said, "I WILL NOT become one of those bloggers that blogs less and less and then before you know it, it's been 1 year since your last entry. I will not!" My sentiments exactly...

But I'm having difficulty keeping up with this post for more reasons than one. Mainly, with so much going on in my life lately regarding divorce, moving, custody, etc., things like blogging fall to the wayside. But one of my biggest issues is this: I have already discovered that my soon-to-be ex has been reading this blog and also trying to find ways to read my page on Myspace (which has been set to private). He even went so far as to look up friends of mine to see if he could find out info about my live from reading their comments. So unfortunately it makes me feel a little less "free" to blog away about my life in general. I could make this blog private also, but that would require my friends & family to sign up for a blog account to be able to read this and I don't think that's fair.

But to keep you up to date, Collin & I are still in the house we're renting but I never really have unpacked all the way. Still no livingroom furniture, but I'm kind of used to it now. We do have some new additions to the house....COWS!! They're not OUR cows, they belong to the neighbors. (There are only seven of them) But we are just enjoying the benefits from them. (Yes, cows do have benefits...) I've been trying to figure out for awhile how I was going to keep the pastures cut down, especially since I don't have a lawnmower anymore. So the cows will keep the pastures down, and also the neighbors have promised to take care of irrigating my pastures. I don't have to mess with it! Plus I can lie there in bed at night and listen to the gentle lowing of the cattle....okay, not really. They don't really make any noise at night. In fact, I've only heard them make noise on a couple of occasions. Mostly just when one gets seperated from the rest. One of them in particular is very gentle and seems to like people. He comes up to the fence or to where I'm standing and lets me rub his head. He even had an encounter with Rowdy once too.


Other than that, life has been pretty non-monumental around here. It dawned on me the other day that even though I've been only been living in this house for about 4 months (wait, ONLY?? Geesh, time seems to have flown!) I've actually been seperated for 5 1/2 months. That's almost half a year! Life goes on.... I've gotten closer to some old friends, made some new friends, and...well...there are some things about my personal life that I'll just keep personal for now. ;)