Tuesday, February 28, 2012

What Dreams May Come

Last night I saw my nephew CJ in one of my dreams. It was a great comfort to me because other than a dream quite awhile ago where he appeared as a little boy, I hadn't dreamed about him.

It was like a little free rewind to before he was killed, although in the dream itself I still knew that we were going to lose him. I saw him twice. The first time was when I happened upon him lying down in a meadow with his fiance. He was just lying there, on his back, like they were gazing up at the clouds. I knelt down next to him and wrapped my arms around him and told him I love him.

His immediate response was to push me away and say, "Get off me!" Not in a mean way....he was smiling when he said it. I think he was embarrassed that I did that in front of Jessica. It made me smile.

The second time was in front of a house. I'm not sure who's house it was, but somehow I knew that the rest of the family was inside. So it gave me comfort in my dream to know that the rest of the family got to see him too. Again, I couldn't resist wrapping my arms around him. 
(My eyes are welling up even as I'm writing this)
I told him that I loved him SO much and how proud I was of him for being a great dad to his kids and such a help to his parents.

Then I let him go and he walked back into the house.

Then I woke up.

And I lay there in bed, feeling sad, yet happy at the same time....wishing I could go back to my dream and see him one more time.