As usual, it's been way too long since I wrote anything on here. As I'm sitting here at my computer this morning, with some quiet time of reflection to myself, (Randy is asleep, Collin is at his dad's as usual and Trevor stayed the night at a friend's) I felt inspired to write some things down. (I'll warn you, this may be more of a "serious" post today...)
As I look back over the years, I can't help but compare my life to my mom's. In fact, my ex-husband, in one of his moments of nastiness, tried to "insult" me by saying that I was "just like my mom" and had "followed her path". He said it because I decided to divorce him right around the time Collin was 15 years old. My own mother divorced my father when I was just a few months from turning 15. So I suppose some people may agree with him and say I'm following my mother's pattern. When I think of him saying that, I smile. I mean it's not like I said, "Hey this is the time my mom divorced my dad, it's high time I got cracking and got in step with the plan!" Things just happen in life, that's all.
But the reason I smile is because I think my mom is a very strong woman and has been through a lot in her life. I WISH I was more like my mom. She says what she wants and doesn't worry about what other people think, like I do. She is so incredibly talented too. She makes the most beautiful quilts. The other day I got out a book she had given me on quilting and tried to read through it. But to my brain it was like reading a foreign magazine. And the fact that quilting is so math-oriented is way too much for my non-mathematical mind. When I was growing up she was always trying something new... She sewed, made cakes, painted, gardened, made leaded glass creations and even learned how to do body work on a 1966 Mustang (my first car)! I've tried to learn different things too, but the difference with my mom is she was good at everything she did. She'd learn something and then attack it with full gusto. I try new things and when they don't turn out right I just give up, the failed attempts either thrown away or tucked away in some closet somewhere out of sight.
All I can hope is that someday I'll find my niche like my mom and be even more like her. A talented, smart, strong woman.
On being a mom:
It's kind of tough to write on Mother's Day when my own son isn't living at home right now. I won't go into the personal details because they're just too...well...personal. But those of you who are close to me know about it so I don't need to explain. The toughest part in this is that you try so hard to always do the right thing and even when you do what you believe is right others don't see it the same as you. Everyone keeps telling me that he will get over it eventually and as an adult will most likely look back and realize I had good reasons for everything I have done. But right now it's difficult to sit back and be patient and wait for that time. I spent time yesterday with some friends, one of them who is currently a single parent of a 4 year old boy. Watching the interaction between them brought back SO many memories of times together with Collin and I'll admit it was a little hard. I want that boy back who thinks the world of me; who wants to be around me all the time; who shares private jokes with me that only the two of us get. I guess for now I'd settle for him just wanting to be live here again...
Whew, okay...let's shake that off now and get a little humor back into this thing!
Here is a link to a great entry the other day on Cake Wrecks: Multiple Choices for Mom
(The cakes my mom made were WAY better than that) ;)
19 hours ago